RE: Einreichungen - 2

ok, ich sag ihr ab.

so, wir müssen uns mal um die Einreichungen kümmern. Hier Nr. 1:

Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren,

mein Name ist Peter Klinger, ich bin Comic-Zeichner und würde Ihnen
gerne mein neuestes Werk: „Die unglaublichen Abenteuer der Herren König
und Baron“ vorstellen.

Anbei habe ich Ihnen eine kleine Leseprobe als auch Kurzinfos über Autor
und Werk beigefügt.

Das gesamte Comic umfasst 252 Seiten (s/w, Größe A5).

Ich freue mich über Ihre Rückantwort bzw. über eine mögliche Zusammenarbeit.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Peter „Pedro ElChino“ Klinger

Die Leseprobe ist zu groß, um sie anzuhängen. Schaut also bitte in de Firmenmehl und ziehts euch mal rein.

hab mal überflogen.

Also seinen Lebenslauf find ich ganz witzig und interessant erzählt. Das hat mir Hoffnung auf den Comic gemacht.

Der Stil ist gewöhnungsbedürftig, aber nicht unansehnlich. Auch wenn ich an einigen Stellen Probleme hatte, zu erkennen, was dargestellt sein soll.
Beim Lesen hatte ich den Eindruck, dass da mehr Potenzial drin steckt, als er rausholt. Vor allem wegen der Ansätze des trockenen Humors - hauptsächlich gegen Ende.
Was mir persönlich total gegen den Strich geht, ist das Fehlen von Interpunktion.

Fazit: nette Ansätze, aber meiner Meinung nach sind 252 Seiten zu viel. Ich weiß nicht, ob da jemand die Lektüre durchhält.

In der Firmenmehl ist auch ne Bewerbung von der Nana.

Mir gefällts ganz gut. Man müsste sicherlich an einigen Stellen was machen, aber dazu gibts ja eine fleißige Redaktion.

Was meint ihr?

Wenns keine weiteren Meldungen gibt, würd ich dem Peter Klinger absagen.

Hat sich mal noch jemand mit Nanas Einreichung befasst?

neue EInreichung da von einer Polin, die nur auf Englisch schreibt. Hier das Konzept. Die würde allerdings nur die Story beisteuern, wir müssten uns um nen Zeichner und ne Übersetzung kümmern.
Here we go:

Chapter 1:


Dorian and Basil (only he is shown) are robbing the house, when suddenly
the owner is coming back. Both of them run away but the situation in the
eyes of the owner and passers-by looks like Dorian is chasing Basil and not
as his partner. Lightning hits them. Both were in state of clinical death,
but in this chapter, the reader gets the information only for Dorian, whom
the Lord of Life gives crystal and brings to the game to return to life.
Dorian with enthusiasm goes towards a new adventure. Members of the team
are Krista Stoner and Luis Pistone, they explain to him the rules of the
game.



Chapter 2:


They are located on the first floor. Their first opponents are Beatrix,
Esperance and Harun. During the fight they are talking that highlights the
nature of the characters and stories of life in different cases it will be
a brief flashbacks before the extinction of the soul, look at the opponent,
heard the words, gestures, etc. Dorian is disgusted by the fact that he has
to fight with the girl-Beatrix, Harun with Luis who reveals the truth about
his "comfortable" looking for racism, and Krista harshly settles Esperance,
because she is upset of pathetic and doggerem artist.



Chapter 3:


Beatrix let Dorian kill her, says that in the last moments of her presence
doesn’t want to be remembered as a hypocrite, which has always been her
stepmother. Dorian, Luis and Krista go through the portal to next floor.
Tired after fight sit down, Dorian trying to flirt with a girl be telling
about his crimes, hoping that she likes bad boys, but his enthusiasm
quickly disappears by the news that a she is in Police School and
appreciates honesty. After a short rest they are looking for a team to beat
them and go through next floor.



Chapter 4:


Miah fights with Luis, who is almost scared her perception of love. Krista
with Monique which hopes to find her lover in this dimension. However
Krista is stronger physically and easily copes with killing opponents, but
it hurts her that she had to kill good person. This is contrary to her
character. This situation makes Dorian easier approach to her after the
fight. Dorian fights with Pablo-thief (politic) who tells him that they are
both the same bad, steal and profit from harm others people. Dorian angrily
kills Pablo but after hearing these words from Pablo, he starts to think
about his dishonest life. He promises Krista that after return he will
change his life, stop stealing and become a better person. At some point he notice something , the conversation stops, smiles criftily and asks her to allow him one last time to cheat.



Chapter 5:


Krista sees that Dorian does not mean anything bad so toghether with Luis
leave him for now and enter the portal. Dorian dips his hand into the floor
at the Portal. Meanwhile, Krista and Luis start the fight with a group of
Basil. It’s hard because there is no balance of power but in the end
Dorian arrives. Basil does not want to fight him, but Dorian behaves like
he has never known him, and with cold-blood murders him whispering into the ear, Basil eyes wide open in shock and in a moment become extinguished.
Luis let Matt kill him because he thinks that he experiences a lot and
loves kids too much for take him to fall in love, fun, friendship,
happiness and wine. Krista kills without any problems Susanna.



Chapter 6:



Krista is depressed and upset, doesn’t want to look at Dorian, do not
understand how he could kill a friend. Dorian tries to explain but she does
not want to hear it. Reach the last floor of Lord of Life, Krista has a
claim to him. They discuss about life and death, justice and the lack of
it. Indicates Matt innocent child and Dorian-which is the epitome of all
that is vile and still they both come back to life. Dorian nods with
satisfaction on his defects and draws the main crystal which took over 2
floors from the ground, he says how he guessed about his position.
Threatened that if the Lord of Life does not come back to life Basil, he
will destroy all life in the universe. Dorian is blackmailing Lord of Life.
This agrees to the proposal, fearing about himself.



Chapter 7:



Basil wakes up at his own funeral. Krista and Dorian promise each other
that they will meet the earth for sure. Matt asks Dorian why he didn’t
raised Luis, and Dorian says that everyone should decide on their own
lives, and also on death. The next scene is on the earth at the end of the
year. Krista and Dorian are going in each other direction, Krista smiles
and runs. She throws into the arms of a man going behind Dorian, which
quietly goes on.


It could seem some complecated but everything in this story makes clear
when you will know characters and regulations of the game. About characters
it's like everyone has a problem, he presents type of person that's why
their names are in different languages. There's not important race,
religion, age or nationality- just character. If you have a questions about
this plan of events tell me I will explain it better. It's just outline.

That's the rules:

1)

there are created 3-persons grops

2) there are 3 floors + place where stays Lord of Life

3) on every floor group has to defeat different team to extend their
time of existance in this dimension (and go to next floor)

4) the time received on every floor is at most 6 hours, if they won’t
defekt enybody in this time, they die.

5) Summary it’s about 18 hours in this demension but this time doesn’t
compare with time in the reality.

6) After went back to reality, they don’t remember anything what
happend in different dimension

Oh mein Gott, die hat ne Mail mit 12 Charakterbeschreibungen geschickt.

The letters are (A, B,C, D) are the letter of the team (the letters won't be use in manga). In the manga I will not write charackters' stories like in the summaries of them but I'll use examples from their lifes (childhood, last minutes before death, situation in house, etc.) that will show their charackters in closer to readers way.

Name: Basil
Surname: Duckey
Age: 19
Sex: Male
Family: father
Story: Dorian’s friend, companion during robberies. He respects nothing and nobody, some crazy, always ready to risk for the appointed aim or task. His father works hard every day although he is ill. Basil helps in home by theft and illegal works.

Name: Beatrix
Surname: Zimmer
Age: 16
Sex: Female
Family: father, stepmother, stepbrother
Story: Brakedance dancer, she wanted to commit suicide she was mental distroyed by her stepmother. Her mother died and when a father got marriage the problems began. After Beatrix’s dad leaves to another woman, girl stayed with the stepmother. Zimmer became a tool in the arms of her new family. After prohibit dancing by new mother, she didn’t stand.

Name: Dorian
Surname: Label
Age: 19
Sex: Male
Story: He grow up on the street. He claims that honesty is not effective (his parents were shot because reported to the police surnames people who burned the rival’s shop). Dorian takes care of his friends very much, he’s loyal and hates falsity. Label is really persistent and stubborn.

Name: Esperance
Surname: Lacroix
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Story: She was injured during terrorist attack. She’s pseudo artist. Esperance everywhere can see a metaphor, analogy, etc. She doesn’t take the World as it is but changes meaning other situations. Present is too much for her, she’s idealist. It’s hard for her to live in the World of hurry, fast, materialized, in which values more often are marketing than truth. Although she’s no talent, she still draws, paints and designs. Her „art” is not worth anything but she believes it has deep meaning. Lacroix has no friends, she tries to stand out by strange way of wearing.

Name: Harun
Surname: Dengula
Age: 23
Sex: Male
Family: his family moved out from Africa to Europe, big family
Story: During getaway a lorry knocked him. Harun always smiles but fobs very much. People who chased him wanted to get back their money for broken equipment. He claims people who chasing him are racists because that way of thinking let him justify himself. Dengula tells that he’s big patriot but he doesn’t want to go back homeland. Harun likes comfort, he more tells than makes.

Name: Krista
Surname: Stoner
Age: 20
Sex: Female
Family: granddad, grandmum
Story: Krista is going to go to police school, her parents were shot during bank robbery. She wants justice, works hard. She’s clever. After the parents’ death her granddad and grandmum took care of her who investin her education. She was bad in physical education but worked hard and now she’s form that should represent a policeman.

Name: Luis
Surname: Pistone
Age: 62
Sex: Male
Family: big family
Story: All time Smiles. He exactly knows life and enjoys its, he lives beautiful. He claims that he’s lived long time so let Matt kill him. He also knows that his granddaughters need a flat so they will have one after him. He feels fulfilled. He loves football, a pasta, God, the homeland. In his youth he had a lot of girlfriends, saw all Europe.

Name: Matt
Surname: Skyland
Age: 9
Sex: Male
Family: parents, elder brother
Story: He was touched by jellyfish in the ocean. Everything he sees as a fairy tail, doesn’t really know what's going on. He treats it as a great adventure. He lived the dream of flying into space, becoming a pirate like Jack Sparrow, rescuing cats as a firefighter. He has a dog, best friends from neighborhood, with whom he played at the soldiers, baseball and video games. Normal kid, a careless and living in a fairy tale. He loves fast food.

Name: Miah
Surname: Kim
Age: 17
Sex: Female
Family: big family
Story: She was in a bad environment. Together with her boyfriend was shot. For her, he was one of a lot of boys. Worried about herself. She’s infantile and a beautiful girl. Miah uses her charm and makes the man crazy. They takes her to clubs where enjoys with gangsters. Her parents live very poorly and she wanted luxury. She did not like her modest life. She loves to wear fashionable clothes and have a lot of gadgets.

Name: Monique
Surname: Jambon
Age: 19
Sex: Female
Family: big family
Story: She believes in love boundless. Nothing else matters for her. She wants to live for vengeance. She lost her aim for life. In childhood her mother and grandmother told her she must find rich husband, important for her should be assets, not love. She never agrees with them and fell in love with poor but crazy and charming guy who treated her well and loved her madly. Forthcoming husband of Monique (choosen by her father) shot her and her lover.

Name: Pablo
Surname: Martinez
Age: 56
Sex: Male
Family: wife, 5 children (+ a lots that he doesn’t know from romances)
Story: He was poisoned by rivals. He cannot believe that something like that could happened to him. Pablo doesn’t worry by the fact that he is in death but he cannot understand how anyone could do such a thing to him (a great politic). He says that when he would go back to life, he would kill them all. He is furious. Bad man, greedy, trying to haggle without any honor. He loves women and alcohol. He does not see anything wrong in killing. He smokes cigars. At the beginning of his career meant well for the nation but in the end he just wanted to more money and benefits that were unambiguous, no own opinion and submission before a dictator.

Name: Zuzanna
Surname: Domska
Age: 16
Sex: Female
Family: grandparents, parents, elder sister
Story: She had an car accident. Drunk driver entered into her car. She complains all the time and is horrified but ironic too. She is afraid of death but she prefers it from life in the bed. Zuzanna regrets that she couldn’t enjoy life, before it happened. Without prospects. She prefers someone made ?decision about her life or death, surrenders to fate. She could not take advantage of life, she was afraid of the future, worried about herself. Lacked the higher values ??of life, she was disappointed. Her childhood friends do not say "hello" on the street, in the neighborhood, no one remembers the honesty. She is a very sensitive girl but clumsy.



Und die Zusammenfassung:

The main character in this story is Dorian Label. Together with Basil during getaway from robbery place the lightning struck them. Both of them are in clinical death. Lord of life gave crystal to Label, which let him take part in the game about return to life. Dorian, Luis and Krista fight against different teams going through next floors. Label and Stone are enchanted each other but girl doesn’t show it. On the second floor Dorian notice that crystals must be embedded between first and second floor because once crystals goes up and once down. He took the main crystal and with this awareness can destroy Basil. After third floor, they are meeting Lord of Life. Dorian blackmails him and Lord agree to bring to life Basil.